On September 1st 2009, my world turned upside down. I believe it actually stood still. That was the day I lost my sweet 3 year old daughter, Morgan Lee Mobley. It felt like my world had pretty much ended right there at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. I have never experienced such loss, such bone deep despair. Words can not even begin to cover the emotions, the loss, the pain that I felt.
My biggest question was of course, WHY?. I mean, I know that she had special needs and that she had dealt with a lot of issues in her 3 years, but we thought she was doing great and that she was beginning to get through what we perceived were her biggest obstacles. We never dreamed she would be gone from us.
One of the things that was the hardest for me was that the world just kept right on going without me. It didn't stop. Oh how I wanted it to! Just long enough for me to catch my breath, a moment to deal with this catastrophic event. But, it doesn't work like that. I watched people go on with their lives, go on with their children's lives. It was so hard. I didn't have my child! I would never get to share in the life experiences of a child that a mother should see! No first day of Kindergarten, no elementary school crushes, no high school prom - NONE! No weddings, no baby showers - NOTHING! I wasn't angry, though. Just sad, overwhelmingly and utterly sad. I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. Why should the rest of the world go on when mine had stopped? You know, I never did receive an answer for that. It was hard, so very, very hard. I just kept trudging through it, though..everyday. Get up, go to work, go through the motions, get on with it. It was not easy. It still isn't It's going on 4 years and I will tell you it isn't "over with". It never will be. It still hurts just as much today as it did when it happened.
One of the things that remained stable through it all was my relationship with God. I never got angry at Him. Don't get me wrong, I asked why? I also felt that it was so very unfair. I still think it is unfair and I still question why?. I must go through the rest of my life not having the answer to the one question that for me, needs answered the most. I must put my trust in God and know that He is there for me.
My faith has never wavered. I am a firm believer that God does not cause or let bad things happen to people. Life does that. Life throws people curve balls all the time. You have to learn to let God give you the strength to deal with the nasty, nasty pitches that life throws you. He will always be there for you. I think that is what kept me going and still keeps me going through it all. I do know that I will see my sweet girl one day again. When I do, those 3 little letters...the W.....the H....and the Y, those will not matter any more. Until that day, I will live my life to the fullest. I will treasure the time I have with my son and I will never give up. I will try to help others in situations similar to mine in any way I can. I will NOT give up. I will ALWAYS keep my faith and I will ALWAYS trust in God. For even when bad things happen and all seems lost, He is the light at the end of the darkest tunnel.
So, why does the world keep turning? One word....GOD!
